(continued from interview 1) Lee Sol, who had difficulty confessing that she was battling a female cancer, recounted the desperate feelings she experienced when she was diagnosed.
Recently, comedian Park Seong-gwang's wife and entrepreneur Lee Sol gave an interview at the OSEN office in Mapo-gu, Seoul.
Lee Sol revealed late last year through her personal account that she had been battling a female cancer and received much support. At the time, she was diagnosed with cancer five months after she had left her job while preparing for a child, and she said that because of the characteristics of female cancer she could not have children, which drew sympathy. Since then she has completed surgery and is continuing drug treatment.
Nevertheless, Lee Sol, who continues to work tirelessly including running an online store, when asked about her current health said, "I am taking medication and continuing checkups now, but I am not yet cured. The professors and my mother and father, when they look at Instagram they see me always doing things and posting feeds, so they worry a lot. But I believe in myself. I believe I will be healthy," and added, "And apart from health, I think I am someone who just has to work," showing a
He said, "When I was having chemotherapy and it was hard, I quit the fashion brand live commerce show I had done for two years. But one or two months after chemo ended, the deputy manager there contacted me saying, 'Come back on the show.' I said, 'I can't. I'm sick, and I'm afraid to start something new. My arms and legs are all gone, I don't have working muscles, and I want to focus on living,' something like that. Because I had worked so hard at the pharmaceutical company I think I got sick. Then the deputy manager said, 'You worked so hard that you were rather rewarded,' because I caught it early. And he said, 'That's your disposition; if you don't do it, you'll be worse. You need to go out and work,' so I started again. Thinking about it, it really seems to be my disposition. Work rather saves me. So regardless of health I work, and I believe I am healthy," expressing firm resolve.
Fortunately, Lee Sol has been receiving good results from the periodic checkups she has had since chemotherapy. She said, "It went up and down a bit. There was a time when the cancer markers rose the most. It was terrifying, but the professor treated it lightly. Patients tend to look for something whenever there's the slightest change, thinking, 'Won't this affect the results?' But it wasn't that; it only rose within the normal range. Since then I've always gotten 100 points. The professor always says it's 100 points," she said.
She continued, "It's been four years since I had chemotherapy, but they say it usually takes about five years to be considered cured. I don't know if I will be declared cured in the fifth year. I may have to take medicine longer. Even though I was early stage, the cancer itself was aggressive. So the chemotherapy had to be strong, and it grew fast. I had clearly been getting checkups every year. Coming from a pharmaceutical company, I knew many directors and doctors, so I was getting good health care whenever I had time. But when I resigned, various hormones that had been keeping me alert dropped, and the things that had been festering inside overcame my immunity and surfaced. This malignancy appeared in a place where it wasn't six months ago, and it grew quickly. It was aggressive and had to be treated quickly," she recalled the serious state.
As the word "cancer" brings considerable fear, the shock she must have felt when she first received the diagnosis was indescribable. Lee Sol recalled, "Even thinking about it now is terrifying. I hope no one else has to go through it. It was truly a desperate experience."
She said, "I went with my mother, and the professor said it wouldn't be cancer. Then they did a biopsy, and it was cancer. The day they did the biopsy and I received the results was a Monday. That's why I still don't go to appointments on Mondays. I have a trauma and fear about going to the hospital on Mondays," adding, "When I went to the hospital and sat down, there were two monitors in front of me. One was facing me at eye level, and I saw the biopsy result that said it was cancer. Before the professor spoke, I saw that and my mental state had already collapsed, and then the professor said, 'It is cancer.' My mother had her hand on my shoulder, and she immediately collapsed," she revealed.
She continued, "Suddenly in 20 minutes I became a cancer patient. In a situation where I didn't know how the cancer had spread in my body, what the situation was, or how many more years I might live, they said, 'Now we'll see how the cancer is in your body' and performed tests. The fear that comes at that moment feels like the world is ending. 'Then where do I go? My soul?' It's an indescribably desperate and unbearable emotion. The 'five stages of grief' really happen," she said.
In particular, Lee Sol said, "That day after being diagnosed, I got the diagnosis and biopsy reports and went home and looked at our wedding photos, and I felt sorry toward my parents-in-law. They had been waiting for children, but now I couldn't have them. When I looked at our wedding photos I felt, 'I'm being unfilial to my in-laws.' I like my in-laws so much, so I felt so sorry and regretted my whole life. 'Why did I live like that? If I'm going to end my life early because I collapse in front of health, why did I work so hard? What did living like that bring me? Nothing matters. When I die it's over,'" she said tearfully, adding to the poignancy.
But from the next day she immediately focused on 'how to live.' Lee Sol said, "I am a naturally positive person. I was a bit struggling and even saw a psychiatrist, and strangely they said I am positive and confident at the core but my self-esteem is very low, so I have a big gap. Maybe because of that unique positivity and confidence I thought, 'I can do well. It's okay, I can do it.' Of course moments were hard, but overall I was positive. So when I woke up in the morning I always ate good vegetables, did more than an hour of cardio and an hour of walking, looked at pretty and good things, sunlight and such, laughed a lot, and tried to find joy even inside the house. I didn't want to be buried at home," she shared about her efforts.
She said, "Chemotherapy makes the body weak. But there comes a moment when it gets better. After about three or four days you wonder when you had chemo because you feel better, and at that time I felt and was thankful for every part of my body. There was nothing but gratitude and positivity as the answer. The professor said the same. He said that someone who lives a bit recklessly thinking, 'I'm already healthy,' does better prognostically than someone living in constant worry and sensitivity. He told me to live like that, so I did. It's obvious, but when diagnosed with cancer and faced with possible death, what we cling to is gratitude and positivity. That shows gratitude and positivity are the most important attitudes I have toward life. I always try not to forget that," she said.
She continued, "There are people who go through even tougher cancers, and if you tell them 'gratitude' and 'positivity' they might say, 'Have you ever been in my shoes?' Still, living with gratitude and positivity rather than complaining makes life less painful for me, so I think in the end you should live that way," she said frankly.
Because she is not yet cured, Lee Sol continues strict health management even after chemotherapy ended. She explained, "Every morning I unconditionally eat broccoli, tomatoes, and bell peppers, and as sides nuts, natto, sweet pumpkin, black soybean soy milk — I choose those and eat them. I feel that the power good natural ingredients give the body is tremendous. My husband hadn't lived that way for a long time, but after trying it once he felt his health change a lot, so now he always makes sure to eat them," she explained.
Lee Sol's positive energy became a source of hope for others in similar situations. She said, "I really get a lot of messages saying I was a help. Female cancers are common now. When I revealed my battle, people around me contacted me saying, 'Me too,' or 'My wife too,' and I was surprised. But when women undergo cancer treatment, including hormonal therapy, they feel like their femininity disappears, causing a sense of loss. Young women cancer patients often feel their life trajectory slows down because the pathway to expanding life through childbirth and building a family is blocked, and many experience depression," she conveyed the psychological despair brought by female cancer.
She continued, "I have reframed that time as time given to me to use more, to groom myself more, and to focus on myself, so some people see it positively. Chemotherapy makes you age, because cytotoxic chemo kills all regenerating cells. Skin can't regenerate, nails and skin darken and become unattractive. I was very dark at one point. Now I'm a bit lighter, and people watch that on Instagram or YouTube and say, 'Can I be like you, sister?' Many say that. Some people contact me saying they had a recurrence. When I hear that my heart breaks with them. We can never be free from that fear; that danger is always lurking. Still, I live thinking I will be cured — just recklessly, but while keeping what I must keep," she emphasized. (continued in interview 3).
[photo] Lee Sol
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