Broadcaster Ahn Sun-young expressed her views on marriage.
On the 11th, a video titled "Five things you'll regret if you marry without knowing" was uploaded to the "This is Ahn Sun-young" channel.
That day, in response to the question "If you remarried, what is the one thing you wouldn't do?" she said, "These days many people don't marry and don't have children, so they ask me a lot. I have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend, should I get married? What happens if I get married? Should I not do it?" When asked like this, I always say this: Get married. I can't be the only judge," she delivered a remark that was half serious, half joking, eliciting laughter.
She said, "As much as I wandered, it's my land. When you get married you think, 'Is this worth living or not,' 'a lifetime lottery, you'll never win it in your life,' and then looking back, no one threatened to kill you if you didn't get married. I poked my own eye and went in grinning because I liked it, and as I changed with the sense of responsibility that I must take responsibility until the end and various other emotions, the relationship grew. That's marriage," she shared her thoughts on marriage.
She continued, "Speaking subjectively as my 30s self, if I could go back before marriage, 50-year-old Ahn Sun-young would want to tell 30-year-old Ahn Sun-young this: 'Let go of the small mind that doesn't want to suffer a loss.' Why? Because marriage is not signing a real estate contract. Before marriage I think I was very arrogant. So if things weren't fair I got angry. I had a big insecurity complex; I wasn't an A-list celebrity, nor had I reached a peak anywhere, I had to take responsibility as a mother and had many burdens on my shoulders, and I hadn't achieved a distinctly different kind of wealth or honor. In that state, marriage felt like something I had made that was so big that if someone didn't do this much, I thought, 'Are you going to take it away? It has to be fair.' Me one, you one. A bit petty. 'Let's not do dowry things,' 'Let's wisely split the house deposit half and half and pay it off,' this kind of half-and-half. I was swept up in those thoughts," she recalled.
Ahn Sun-young said, "If you're going to marry with the mindset of not wanting to suffer a loss, don't do it. Marriage because of 'because' is a big problem. Dating is done because of 'because.' If it's dating because this man is handsome, because he waited for me when I suffered, or because there's no one else left for me, and so on, if dating is done for all sorts of 'because' reasons, marriage seems to be 'despite that.' Despite his incompetence being more than I expected, despite laziness, despite a lack of filial piety, marriage is a promise you can't casually break," she emphasized.
She said, "What should you think about before marriage? Does this person have responsibility? In my 30s I thought a person's ability to make money equaled responsibility. Looking back from 50, I see that the assets someone had at that time are not responsibility. Responsibility is the most basic nature of a person. Keeping promises well or following through on spoken words. Very trivial things. Someone who gets up and goes to a company or school they don't want to go to. Someone who, even if they complain when asked to handle unpleasant tasks like attending ceremonies or chores, still does them. You must look at this basic sincerity and sense of responsibility," she urged.
She added, "To be honest, marriage, not dating, is the union of family to family, so no matter how passionately the two love each other, if problems arise between the families it can spread like a wildfire, so keep that in mind. The divorce rate for arranged marriages is much lower than for love marriages. That's because marriage isn't sustained by just the two people. It's the joining of both households. So if family customs differ or if engagements are called off after printing invitations, those cases really pop up a lot on short-form algorithms. Ordinary life is more dramatic. All sorts of things happen, so just because the two of you get along doesn't mean the relationship will be maintained. Even if the bare face is less pretty than I thought, or legs are short, those are charms; when you're together you might not notice, but suddenly a legal family has formed. Many troubles arise from that, but responsibility and mutual communication can make them disappear," she said.
Ahn Sun-young said, "I used to think arranged marriages were really annoying because of the families' customs, education levels, or some asset formation. I had nothing to boast about; my family had no money or connections. Because I didn't have those I thought it was fair not to look at them, but after 20 years I think you must look at the family background. I'm not saying to check whether they're wealthy or the assets accumulated in that household. I truly think family environment is very important. It's where a person's most basic social life and character are formed. So my conclusion was: if it's a younger sister, I would tell her this: 'Look at how the prospective husband's father treats his wife.' Appearance doesn't matter at all. A kind man — because you grow up watching that. That's the family environment," she revealed.
She, who said she recently saw a beautiful scene, said, "There are many tall buildings in Sinyongsan, and a cold wind blows through the alleys. There was an elderly couple at a bus stop where seats are now kept warm. When a transfer station had one seat free, he let his wife sit. Watching the bus arrival notification, he stood by the door 30 seconds early. Because the cold wind blew, he held her hand and put it into his pocket. I envied that wife more than a woman driving an expensive car wearing a 5-carat diamond ring. It's a life I haven't had. So a kind person — don't look at whether this person is crazy about me with hormones raging and being nice; be sure to look at how this man's father treats his wife," she said.
Conversely, in the case of a younger brother she said, "Look at how the woman who will be the wife treats her mother. That's responsibility. A mother is the person you've been most comfortable with and on your side the longest, so her true nature is revealed. Then in raising children or doing household chores, situations that are uncomfortable or annoying will come. Everyone grew up cherished, right? If you only receive the meals and laundry your mother prepared and she does it despite being annoyed, when things don't go your way and you take it out on the most easygoing and comfortable person, your mother, later when something happens to me and I become incompetent or get sick or become 'the story of Manager Kim working at a big company owning a house in Seoul,' I want to advise that whether she will become a truly wise wife who will stay by my side like Myung Se-bin depends on how she treats her mother," she explained.
She continued, "And this is something I want to tell everyone regardless of gender. Watch how this person treats people who seem weaker or lower than themselves. For example, if they paid money but speak informally to staff. I worked part-time in a restaurant for two years, so I know. There is a kind of 'Ah!' reaction that's not a genuinely learned polite gentleness shown to a dating partner. If you miss that, it can really be a deciding factor in life," she emphasized.
Finally, when asked, "Give one last word to siblings who are about to marry," Ahn Sun-young replied, "People say that for fun. Whether you marry or not you'll regret it either way. That's how I think. Life is ultimately a life of choices and responsibility for those choices, a life of focus. If you decide to marry, if I choose high heels, my legs will look longer but my toenails will hurt the whole time; if I choose sneakers, my feet will be comfortable but I might feel shabby wherever I go. I hope you don't deeply regret your choice. Are you going to get married? Do it. And married life is like driving on a highway: no matter how carefully you practice defensive driving, if someone behind causes a sudden four-car pileup, there's nothing you can do. Even if something unexpected makes the marriage difficult, a movie having a sad ending doesn't mean it's not worth watching. In a long life, shouldn't you try marriage once? Go get married once. Fighting!" she cheered.
Meanwhile, regarding recent divorce rumors, Ahn Sun-young said, "For several years we haven't been compatible as a couple, so we haven't been going out together. As parents of a child, we work well together, so for the child's sake we live 'separately and together' to suit our individual lives," and added, "While caring for my mother, who is suffering from dementia, family conflicts arose, and I felt that if we continued to live like this everyone would become unhappy. So we concluded to live separately," she disclosed the fact of living apart.
[Photo] This is Ahn Sun-young
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