Actor Park Si-eun and her husband Zin Taihyun opened up about their feelings when they lost their daughter 20 days before childbirth.
On the 28th episode of tvN STORY "남겨서 뭐하게", Zin Taihyun and Park Si-eun appeared as guests and talked.
That day Zin Taihyun said, "It was thyroid cancer. I didn't notice the symptoms until I knew about the illness, but after the diagnosis I thought I had been very tired for the past 2 or 3 years. I got tired quickly for no reason. By 2 or 3 p.m. I felt drained quickly," he said.
He said, "On the day of the health checkup the doctor already told me by ultrasound to go to a higher-level hospital. I had the test right away and a few days later I received the results by phone. My wife and I had checkups together, and I was there when the findings were explained. She was very surprised," and he relayed Park Si-eun's reaction, "If you look at the timing, from when Tae-eun was sent to heaven I hadn't expressed anything anywhere for 2 or 3 years. I was afraid my wife would be hurt. I had to take care of only my wife. So after my wife heard the news that I had cancer, maybe she couldn't express it. I hadn't cried or shown sadness in front of her, I was just taking care of Si-eun, so my wife felt very sorry," he said.
He said that his interest in running also stemmed from Park Si-eun's pregnancy and miscarriage. Zin Taihyun said, "When my wife was pregnant there were difficulties. She had had two miscarriages before. Then this time, when she made it past six, seven months, we naturally thought this baby would be born, so I promised my wife and the baby. I said that if the baby was born I would celebrate by finishing the pregnancy, so I would complete a marathon, and I started running," and added, "After the child passed, I didn't want to do it, but as a husband I felt I had to give my wife hope again, so I had to finish this. That was the start and I've been running until now," which moved listeners.
Zin Taihyun and Park Si-eun announced in 2022 that they lost their daughter Tae-eun 20 days before childbirth, which saddened many people. Zin Taihyun said, "These days I'm very well. When I go out and look at the sky I think of Tae-eun. Still, the fact that a child came and went is real. Those times were happy. I remember when she moved while in the womb, thinking of old times and reminiscing," and added, "When I go out to exercise and the sun rises I look at the sky. Thinking that our daughter is somewhere up there makes me think of that time the most," he said.
Soon Park Si-eun joined them, and Lee Young-ja gently asked, "Recently Tae-hyun had surgery, right? You said something about that. After Tae-eun passed you should have let it out, but you kept it all inside to watch over Si-eun, so I wondered if that might have become an illness," she asked cautiously.
Park Si-eun recalled, "Yes. In that situation my body and heart were both hurting, so we hadn't even packed the hospital bag for childbirth. That day we went for a regular checkup, but because she couldn't come out, Tae-hyun had to go home. He was so worried about leaving me alone that he said he'd be right back. He needed to pull himself together. While packing things at home he contacted family, and the company called. A reporter knew and wanted to write an article and asked what to do, so Tae-hyun asked them to give us one day. We thought we should inform people ourselves. So Tae-hyun had to write that statement," she recalled.
He said, "I choked up and cried without realizing it, so I had to take care of myself. He couldn't reveal that. So he would go out to exercise alone and come back crying sometimes. I held it in and cried once at the hospital, so I couldn't cry by his side. Instead I tried to make him laugh and take care of him, so he didn't have the space to show it," he said.
Park Si-eun said she got through the difficult time because of Zin Taihyun. "Back then Tae-hyun really did everything entirely for me. Because my body hurt so much he washed me, took care of me, helped me up, he did it all. And when I went out to exercise alone he said, 'Don't cry,' 'Let's not cry when we're not together.' He said we should cry when we're together, only once a day, and we agreed to that," she said.
Hearing this, Lee Young-ja said, "It's painful to think about it now.. we only heard about it," and Zin Taihyun said, "Si-eun mentioned it and it made me briefly go back and remember. I crawled into the operating room and to the ward. I couldn't walk. Until then I was pretending not to be. From there to my ward the distance was quite far. Crawling to the ward I still don't clearly remember what I did. But when I went down to meet her after Si-eun's surgery the nurse said it sounded like an animal's roar. Everyone was shocked. It wasn't the sound of a human crying. I guess I was holding it all in. I expressed it only then. For those few minutes my pain. Then when Si-eun came up to the ward and I cared for her, for the first time in my life it felt like all my teeth were falling out," he said, opening up about his painful feelings.
Park Si-eun said, "Before discharge I suddenly couldn't see ahead. While washing up and coming out I said that for a moment I couldn't see ahead," and Zin Taihyun said, "During the three days in the ward I pretended not to be myself but I think I went to the extreme. I think I should have talked about it back then. Now, 'Honey, I'm really struggling too.' But I don't regret it for my wife. Even if I went back I'd do the same," he honestly said.
At this Park Si-eun burst into tears. She said, "I've really gotten much better, but when we talk about it the memories come back and I choke up. I actually haven't deleted any photos or videos from that time on my phone. Sometimes when I sort through the photo album I see them and it brings memories. When the time comes that we sent the child I think of it a lot," she said, missing her. Zin Taihyun also said, "Losing a baby near full term is something that should never happen. The pain is indescribable. I actually think about it every day. But I put it aside," he said.
Park Si-eun said, "At that time I was able to endure and stand up because Tae-hyun was by my side. He really made me laugh a lot. Then on the day Tae-hyun was sick and went in for surgery, when I became the caregiver, I wondered how I managed to do everything alone while waiting for him. At that time I felt grateful that he let me experience this and thought I would understand a bit of Tae-hyun's feelings. I felt very sorry and thankful and those feelings came out together. Even though we were together, I felt like I couldn't truly be with him. I felt sorry and grateful that he didn't have time to show those feelings and the time just passed. I thought we truly were able to get back up because we were together," she said, expressing gratitude.
[photo] SNS, tvN STORY
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