As the anxiety and self-harm issues of a soon-to-be first-year middle school student named Geumjjok continued, deep wounds in family relationships were revealed once again.
On the night of the 16th, Channel A 'These days' parenting: my child who is like a gem' aired the second story of 'Mom S.O.S! My soon-to-be first-year middle school daughter is trying to self-harm.'
In that episode, a scene was shown of Geumjjok, who had been strongly rejecting her mother's attempts to talk, displaying violent behavior as she failed to control her emotions. In the heated situation, Geumjjok eventually even struck her mother's cheek, and the scene froze in an instant.
Watching this, Dr. Oh Eun-young diagnosed, "When the most fundamental problem has not been resolved and another stimulus occurs, the child's emotion explodes in a way other than self-harm." She added, "Self-harm and harming others essentially share the same attributes. The difference is whether the arrow is directed at oneself or at others," and explained, "This is also another form of self-harm and a kind of withdrawal phenomenon."
After the conflict with her mother, Geumjjok lay on the bed crying and poured out her emotions to her father on the phone. Hearing this in the living room, the mother moved from the master bedroom to the bathroom and called her ex-husband.
The mother vented, "It's so hard when they contact me saying they're all grown up and act like a good father," and, "When I asked even once, while the children were young, to be a little careful so they wouldn't get hurt, did you ever respond?" As her emotions intensified, the mother's voice grew louder.
Having listened to the entire phone call, Geumjjok finally opened the bathroom door, came in and said, "Stop calling," trying to stop her mother. In front of her sobbing mother, Geumjjok confessed, "I'm really sorry I was born, and I regret being born," and, "When I was little I was teased for not having a father, and I saw the divorce process. I'm having a hard time now and want to bang my head."
The mother apologized, "For that, I'm really sorry. I was having a very hard time then," but Geumjjok said, "It would have been less stressful if you hadn't given birth to me," and, "I think the reason I hurt others is because of you."
Watching this scene, Dr. Oh Eun-young focused on the family's past history. He retraced the situation, saying, "You told me that you became pregnant when you were considering divorce and that during that process you had feelings of resentment toward the child."
The mother revealed, "When Geumjjok was four, talk of divorce came up and there was a fight over who would raise the child," and, "I had the eldest and sent Geumjjok to the father. After reuniting, conflicts repeated, and it became so hard that I eventually sent both children to the father." She continued, "After the mediation period, my husband expressed his intention to give up custody, and I collapsed at the words, 'It would be better for Geumjjok to live with his father.'"
In response, Dr. Oh Eun-young said, "What Geumjjok said is more an expression of the fear of being abandoned than genuine feeling," and explained, "From the child's perspective, it is very likely to remain as the memory that 'mom chose my older brother and I was sent away.'" She added, "The thought that if I do what my older brother does I might also be loved by mom probably operated."
She also said, "When a child says 'I'm sorry I was born' it is a strong expression of self-denial," and pointed out, "It is absolutely necessary to understand and reassure this anxiety, but that is not being done sufficiently." She added, "Parents also need to look back on their own growth process and emotional structure."
Meanwhile, Channel A 'These days' parenting: my child who is like a gem' airs every Friday at 9 p.m.<
[Photo] Channel A 'These days' parenting: my child who is like a gem' broadcast screen capture
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