'High School Rapper', 'Show Me the Money' alumnus rapper Choi Ha-min (OceanGum) reflected on his past mistakes.
On the 10th, the OneMic channel uploaded a video titled "I met Choi Ha-min of 'High School Rapper' who suffered from a mental illness.. "My girlfriend is the salvation of my life now"".
That day, Choi Ha-min spoke about his recent condition, saying, "These days I'm working like everyone else and working at a furniture factory in Jeonju. I wanted to learn assembly, so I'm working in the furniture assembly part. I've been doing it since February last year, so it's been 10 months now," he said.
He recalled, "After 'High School Rapper' ended, I did a lot of events for about six months. I was busy, and that was a big factor. I worried so much about what kind of music to make next that I couldn't do something popular nor show my own style, and I released songs that could disappoint people, and gradually I seemed to be forgotten. From then I started to get sick; the diagnosis I have now is bipolar disorder, and I don't know exactly when it started. I didn't notice that there was something wrong with me."
He added, "I was diagnosed (with bipolar disorder) when firefighters and police officers on the street caught me and forcibly hospitalized me. My parents decided I needed hospitalization, and when I was admitted they found out it was bipolar disorder and I started receiving treatment then. Looking back at traces of my past now, I really wonder why I was like that, and I regret it as if something had possessed me."
He bowed his head and said, "When I wasn't in my right mind, there were posts I wrote on Instagram from imagination. They included jumping out of a car and drinking water from a paddy ditch. By the time I came to my senses, they had already spread too much and I couldn't explain them in time. Those things are not all true, and I want to use this opportunity to apologize to those who happened to see them and felt bad."
He repeatedly apologized for the most controversial 'sexual assault of a male minor' case. Previously, Choi Ha-min was sued in 2022 on charges of sexually assaulting a male minor and was sentenced to 1 year and 6 months in prison with a three-year suspended sentence, two years of probation, and a three-year ban from working at child, adolescent and facilities for the disabled. It is reported that Choi Ha-min was diagnosed with a severe mental disorder in 2021 and was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for about 70 days before being discharged, and that his sentence was determined considering that the offense was committed impulsively while he was in a diminished mental state.
Regarding that, Choi Ha-min said, "This can't be an excuse, but that was when my bipolar disorder was at its worst, and I take full responsibility and deeply reflect on it," and added, "The backstory is very complicated because the backstory would be my excuse and an explanation that avoids admitting my fault. I'm still restraining myself, I'm very sorry to the victim, and I'm receiving treatment so that such a thing never happens again and working hard to be a productive member of society."
He said his girlfriend played a big role in overcoming the illness. Choi Ha-min said, "When I visit the clinic, my girlfriend helps a lot. If she says, 'You were a bit strange at that time,' and tells the doctor, the doctor adjusts my medication accordingly. If mania is severe, they increase the medication; if I'm too down, they reduce it, so they find the right balance and I keep taking it regularly," and added, "The turning point was meeting my girlfriend. I thought I shouldn't live like this if I wanted to be the kind of man who suits my girlfriend. She's so much prettier than me, so I thought I should match her. So I even started lower-body workouts. My girlfriend was a huge support during my really hard times, and I feel like I only have her. When I was struggling and everyone left, she was the one who stayed by my side. So I want to show it more and make love songs," he expressed affection.
He said, "I thought it would be easy to make money, but watching my girlfriend work hard made me want to live a life working from 9 to 6. When I said, 'I wanted to do this but it's so hard,' my girlfriend said, 'Everyone lives like that.' I learned belatedly what I should have known in my early 20s: 'This is how you live.' In a way, when I became an adult I had income from entertainment and didn't work like others. It was a different concept. I didn't do labor, and my girlfriend taught me the true meaning of work. I learned a lot from her that living diligently prevents a person from becoming ruined and helps achieve what you want and builds will. So I think I started working harder," he said gratefully.
Regarding the cause of his bipolar disorder, he speculated, "Looking back, if I had lived without things like 'High School Rapper', I might not have felt uncomfortable on the street, and around the end of my teens and becoming an adult I paid too much attention to others and received a lot of public attention, so I think those things may have had aftereffects. I couldn't meet expectations, my results gradually declined, I became depressed, and I think that's how it happened."
He said, "As for future activities, I have no plans to return for now. I think I need to be more restrained, and I don't think of music as a career where I have to make a hit. I make things and play them for my girlfriend: 'I made this, what do you think?' 'I like it.' 'Then I'll release it.' If she says 'Not great,' I say 'Okay, I'll fix it,' and I fix it. My routine is that when I get off work and come home it's 6 p.m. I eat, go to the gym for an hour, come back and work, and if I do that for a few days I get three or four songs. Then I ask my girlfriend to listen and she says, 'I like this,' or 'Change this.' That's how I use spare time to work and create."
He added, "I think I'll continue music like this as a fun pastime. Work is my job, music is my hobby. 'High School Rapper' was when I succeeded, and now I'm ruined — rather than that, I've been making music all along; there was a peak once, and since I'll keep doing it, there will be another peak, I think. If I hadn't gone through such a hard time, I might not have made efforts to overcome it. Having great regret became the driving force that made me exercise and work hard; it seems to have become a chance that turned me into a person who makes an effort," he said.
[Photo] OneMic
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