Broadcaster Seo Dong-ju recently candidly shared, in lectures and interviews, the death of her father, the late Seo Se-won, and her complex feelings toward him. Confessing that her relationship with her father was an "ambivalent love-hate relationship," Seo Dong-ju spoke calmly but deeply about the emptiness and sense of loss caused by the sudden bereavement.
The late Seo Se-won died in Cambodia on Apr. 20, 2023. At the time, Oh Chang-su, president of the Korean Missionary Association in Cambodia, said, "It is true that Seo Se-won has died. He was receiving an IV at a hospital in Cambodia at 1 a.m. Cambodia time, 3 a.m. Korean time, and died of shock."
Seo Dong-ju traveled to Cambodia, returned to Korea with her father's remains and held a funeral. Seo Dong-ju confessed about the late Seo Se-won, "When I think of my father, feelings of ambivalent love and hate were mixed. I loved him and resented him at the same time; I didn't want to resemble him, yet there were many ways in which I did."
These complex emotions were also what prompted Seo Dong-ju to write during difficult times. In her new book, "Perfect Imperfection," she said, "I wrote to avoid hating my father, to avoid being disappointed," and conveyed that writing was a way to comfort herself.
The relationship between Seo Dong-ju and the late Seo Se-won changed significantly starting in 2002. Seo Dong-ju recalled, "When I was young, we were well-off, my parents' relationship wasn't bad, and there were definitely many good memories," but added, "Starting in 2002, after my father returned from detention, I felt many things change dramatically. People said he came back as a completely different person," saying that the family's crisis began then.
When the late Seo Se-won suddenly passed away in Cambodia in Apr. 2023, Seo Dong-ju said she was deeply shocked but did not know what she was supposed to feel. Seo Dong-ju expressed her sense of loss, saying, "At that time my feeling was 'somewhat empty.' I realized a person can disappear in an instant like that."
Her most candid confession was her state of mind when the object of ambivalent love suddenly disappeared. Seo Dong-ju recalled, saying she cried, "Up until then, anyway, my dad and I did not have a good relationship and it was an ambivalent love-hate relationship. Suddenly that person disappeared, so these emotions lost somewhere to go. I wanted to direct feelings of hatred, dislike, resentment, hurt, and grievance at him, but he was gone, so it felt empty."
Seo Dong-ju's grief did not end with her father's death. She confessed that on the day she completed her father's funeral rites, a long-time companion dog also died. She said, "It felt so empty. A healthy animal went to the sky in a few weeks," and added, "At that time it really felt like everything was collapsing," conveying the pain she felt then.
Two successive losses — her mother's illness and financial hardship — caused Seo Dong-ju such pain that she nearly lost her reason to live. But she comforted herself by writing and painting to avoid dying, and through that time she gained the strength to stand up again. In response to Seo Dong-ju's honest and courageous confession, internet users have sent warm support, saying "truly a strong person" and "I hope she pulls herself together well."
[OSEN]