The mother of the late Lee Ji-han, who passed away in the Itaewon tragedy, expressed her heart-wrenching feelings.
On the 25th, a post titled "It's been 1000 days since I last saw you.. To my son, whom I long to see so dearly" was uploaded on Lee Ji-han's social media. Lee Ji-han was one of the 159 victims of the unprecedented mass crowd crush disaster that occurred in Itaewon-dong, Yongsan-gu, Seoul, on the night of October 29, 2022. He sadly became a victim after leaving behind the drama "Seasons of the Bride."
The mother of the late Lee Ji-han said, "Ji-han, today marks 1000 days since I last saw you," adding, "Time will heal. It's been some time now, so you must be okay, right?" The comforting words only tightened my throat, and it feels as though the lumpy cancer cells of longing and injustice are invading my desperate heart more densely and intricately with each passing moment.
She continued, "Mom is still stuck on that beautiful day when you were 24, just before you left. I am in a faraway country, returning from filming. It takes a little time. Ji-han also wants to come home quickly but can't. Mom keeps hypnotizing herself every hour, wanting to pretend that I'm the only one who doesn't know the truth known to everyone, covering reality with memories by only looking at photos with you."
The following is the full text left by Lee Ji-han's mother.
It's been 1000 days since I last saw you. To my son, whom I long to see so dearly.
Ji-han, today marks 1000 days since I last saw you.
People shake their heads and close their eyes when they want to forget.
When mom misses you so much, she wraps her arms tightly around her knees and slightly closes her eyes. She goes to meet you, burying her face between her legs, unable to hold tight for fear of losing you.
Time will heal...
It's been some time now, so you must be okay, right?
At those comforting words, mom felt even more squeezed, and the irregular cancer cells of longing and injustice in my suffocating heart seemed to be invading me more densely and intricately with each passing moment.
I wanted to tell you that there is no treatment or remedy that could heal without excising my heart, but hiding the sorrow of 1000 days, I remained silent, pursing my lips, and merely lowered my head.
I should have replied.
The pain of a mother who lost her child without reason on the street feels like it will only end if her eyes close, her ears shut, and her heart is excised.
Mom is still stuck on that beautiful day when you were 24, just before you left.
I am in a faraway country, returning from filming...
It takes a little time...
Ji-han also wants to come home quickly but can't...
Mom keeps hypnotizing herself every hour, wanting to pretend that I'm the only one who doesn't know the truth known to everyone, covering reality with memories by only looking at photos with you.
It's just too unjust.
It's just so sorrowful.
It's just so regrettable.
Mom feels this way.
If only I could go back to 1000 days ago... Waiting for 2000 days, 3000 days like it's a turn in line frightens and frustrates me too much.
Looking back at past events, I had to endure the loneliness of riding the subway home alone, drenched from sudden rain after spending more than two long years in the square, confronting irresponsible rulers who turned a blind eye to precious lives. On days when thick, heavy snow fell like a blanket, vivid memories of shaking a purple star banner high with kids your age while wrapped in a silver blanket with only my eyes peeking out provide me with some comfort.
The purple star banners and placards from those days are proudly displayed under your picture as if they are my family heirlooms, attaching great meaning as if I achieved something. But the cold, hollow fear creeping up from behind is probably the moment when I realized that no matter how much I struggle and flail, I can never return to the days I spent with you.
My dear son, whom I long to see.
Mom wants to convey these words to you, even if it's through a letter.
Ji-han, you must have things you want to say to mom as well...
Mom also desperately wants to hear your words...
I am so eager to know what you want to say to us...
I even want to hear the truths of that day...
This situation, where I cannot do that, makes me suffer even more.
Even in the dreams I have, there are many moments where I cannot even hear your voice and it ends...
Ji-han, mom is...
Mom is...
I can no longer write. As time goes on, I find it harder to write. It just feels hollow...
I'm just sorrowful, just...
I'm just sorrowful and angry...
[Photo] Provided
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