Singer Zion.T confessed his hidden self-hatred.
On the 7th, a video titled "Zion.T's confession, learning how to love myself through self-deprecation and self-destruction" was uploaded to the 'Sebasi Talk' channel.
That day, Zion.T took the stage at the 'Sebasi' lecture and drew attention with the phrase "I love me." He said, "I love my face, my body, and my music. I especially think my eyes are beautiful. And I don't need a chin massager. And how about my body? It's no joke, right? It's no joke. And my music is good, right? I think it's good. I have a few hit songs. I found out it's quite a lot. I don't know if I will continue to do well in the future. Anyway, I like myself," he praised himself.
He continued, "You might wonder what I'm saying. In fact, I don't like anything about my music, my face, or anything else. I find everything so unsatisfactory and pitiful that I couldn't stand it. Those who know me well probably see me as a perfectionist. You may have heard rumors that I record thousands, or hundreds of takes when making a song. If you know me, then. But that sounds a bit lame, doesn't it? It sounds like 'I fought and won with a 7-to-1 advantage,' which doesn't sound cool at all."
Zion.T said, "When I was young, I once beat a harmless wall because I hated my voice so much while recording. A friend who was working with me saw that and cried. How embarrassed he must have been to cry. There was no need for that. Isn't it a bit pitiful? Back then, I wanted to hide everything. I felt that my recorded voice sounded too thin and unsightly, so I layered dozens of harmonies to hide it. It looked so sparse that I piled it up. And once, I had the chance to perform on stage. But I watched a video someone took of me. It was really a long time ago, about 15 or 16 years ago, I think. I looked like a super skinny kid flailing around, and I couldn't stand looking at it."
He said, "People who know me now might not understand, but it really was no joke. It was a mess. Then one day, my father took a driving job. I stole some sunglasses from the car and wore them on stage. I couldn't stand showing my eyes. I hated the me on stage. At that time, while I was performing hip-hop music, I didn't move in a proper position. That's when people started reacting strangely. They went wild. Isn't that interesting?"
He continued, "What I want to say is that I have been constantly covering myself with something to hide. Up until now. To make things look better, to keep them hidden, more beautiful. But the funny thing is, while I was so embarrassed and hiding, I think I was also filling myself with those things. I realized that over time. In other words, the things I made out of my hatred for myself strangely became the materials that helped me love myself. Remember the phrase I mentioned at the beginning, 'I like myself'? It turned out that wasn't a lie after all," he joked, adding, "Though it is a bit of a lie."
Zion.T said, "At one time, when I looked in the mirror, I thought, 'What do I look like?' When I recorded and listened to it, I thought, 'Why does my voice sound like this?' When someone looked at my eyes on stage, I felt like they were seeing through me. I was scared that people would notice how messed up I really was. As much as I hated and disliked myself, I nagged and struggled for that pitiful human being? I think I slowly, very slowly, started to love myself because of my immature and desperate attempts. And thankfully, it was only after I developed compassion for myself that I began to look around. It seems like others are not that different. Even those who seem successful and relaxing are all the same."
He said, "But why is it so hard to love myself, not someone else? I seem to be trapped in a cycle of self-deprecation and self-destruction in a washing machine drum, making even natural self-pity a source of shame. Isn't that unfair? When I think about it now, it's something I can't even bring up to others. I can't, can I? I have to pretend to be fine. I didn't realize that the emotions of self-pity could change me increasingly and gradually change my environment and little world. I think I've become aware of that power. Of course, I say this, but I still have hundreds of tracks piled up on my computer hard drive that I can't release because I don't like them. While I want to be loved like this, I still can't reach out. I'm sorry. I want to post a picture dressed nicely, saying I had a good day, but I'm still thinking, 'Is it lame? Is it bad?' and dismiss it. I may still look the same, but I want to win this fight with myself at least once, and that's why I was able to come here today with this determination. I gathered my courage to talk about such trivial matters."
He added, "In the future, I hope the things that cover ourselves are not the lack of our pasts or our complexes, but rather who we want to become, who I want to be, and the life I want to live. I hope we can cover ourselves with those. In that sense, lastly, I want to talk about my future that I want to cover. I want to make music for a long time. Isn't the country moving too fast? If you order delivery, it comes right away, and it's so fast that the cityscapes I knew when I was young are no longer there. Everything is covered by new buildings, new technology, and concrete. The cultural industry I work in is similar. I understand the value of pop culture and trends. They are highly valuable. I respect them. But I wish there were more old and wonderful works and people in this market. That's my dream. I want to become like that. So please come to my performances more often. Please listen to my songs. I will truly live diligently, so please help me stay intense for longer," he concluded with a witty remark, bringing laughter.
[Photo] OSEN DB, Sebasi Talk
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